The Bird

During the first week of living in our new house, we had an unexpected guest: a bird, living—and flapping—in the wall of our kitchen. It was strange but I didn’t think it was a big deal living in an old farmhouse.  It seems that the bird got in through the flue on the outside. But since the house was refurnished, there’s no fireplace or stove attached to the flue, but there is a small hole, about 6 inches in diameter, covered by what looks like a paper plate (it’s actually made of some sort of metal).

On the left is a stack of paper plates, on the right is the metal thing with the bar over it that screws into the wall.

Well, like I said, I didn’t find it that strange, and once we figured out how to get the bird out of the wall, we didn’t have any more problems.

Until this weekend.

As you know from my last post, I worked on Saturday, and it wasn’t a great day. So on top of a bad week, I only had a one day weekend. Saturday afternoon I heard some noise in the kitchen, but was busy doing other things so didn’t worry about it.

The next day Jim the boyfriend got home from work at 7am and we slept till about 11 when I woke up.  He continued to sleep and I went into the kitchen so as not to bother him.  I started on my third attempt of making sourdough bread (my first 2 failed miserably) in my bread maker, and then I heard the flapping again.

I found the screwdriver in Jim’s pocketknife and a chair and got to work.  Let me tell you, it’s pretty difficult to unscrew a painted over screw 2 feet above your head—while on a chair that doesn’t exactly reach—with a pocketknife screwdriver.  It probably took about 10 minutes and more upper body strength than I have (keep in mind I had to hold the plate-thing up while unscrewing the other side—and hoping the bird didn’t try to fly out while I was still up there). Well, when I finally got the thing off, the bird apparently wasn’t ready to come out. 

 This is the big empty whole. It looks like something out of The Ring

Mind you, the first bird this happened with was very smart. As soon as we got the plate-thing off, the bird flew out and found it’s way to the door in a matter of minutes.

This bird… not so much. When he didn’t come out right away, I waited a bit, and then I gave up and went back to my bread. When he finally found his way out, he flew into a window, then another, then the first one again.  Then he discovered my pantry.  He flew around inside a few times exploring my perishable items, then found a comfy perch inside near my granola and peanut butter. 

This is a picture of the stupid bird after flying around the pantry 

and finding a new spot near my pasta bin.

Well, I opened the door and kindly showed him the path to get out, but he refused to leave his stoop and did not want to follow me out.  So I tried giving him the closest thing I had to bird seed; I sprinkled a little bit of granola in front of the bird. No bites. Then we had a staring contest for a few minutes.

He flew around the pantry a bit more but went back to his stoop again and again.  Then he tried to get out through the window again—I can open the windows, but the screens are locked in, so even if I did, the bird still couldn’t get out that way. While he was out and about, I made sure to shut the pantry door and the bathroom door. After a few more window crashes, the bird found his way to the hallway.

I need to stop here because I’m pretty sure I forgot to mention something very important. I told you that Jim got home from work at 7am and was still asleep when all of this was going on.  But I forgot to tell you that I was basically screaming at the bird to get the F*** out of my house for the full 30-40 minutes.

So the bird is in the hallway right?  He’s facing the door. He decides to go THE OPPOSITE WAY down the hallway, and hides behind the dryer.  I go outside to show him the exit and beautiful sunny day. He ignores me.  Then I realize that the bedroom doors upstairs are both open. So I run upstairs and close all the doors, and run back down to find that the bird hasn’t moved. So I sat on the bottom step and waited until my nemesis was ready to fly.

And he did. After a few minutes, he glided out the front door and swooped into the fields across the street, looking for a flock to join up with.

Then I called my landlord.  They are planning to come put a wire cover over the opening to the flue within the next few days.  So I lost a Sunday, and had yet another stressful weekend day, but hey, at least I got a good story out of it right?