The Thing About Writing Is…

Last year around this time, I made it my mission—nay, my resolution to publish a blog once a week.  If you keep up with me or my blog in any way, you know that didn’t happen.  I published a bunch in January, then one in February, a couple in march, then I dropped off the grid for good after I chopped my hair off in April. Part of the reason was that I didn’t feel I had the time, but I think a big part of it was that I have been too harsh and rigid with my writing…

For one, I gave myself a very structured timeline: once a week. This timeline is virtually impossible to keep, as there are going to be times when I can’t reach a computer or don’t have the time, or just forget. Sometimes there just wasn’t anything worth writing about happening in my life, and I couldn’t muster the creative energy to pull something out of thin air… plus, I don’t really think that my blog is an appropriate place to publish my fiction pieces… I might have to make a new tab for that.

Another reason I failed at my blogging goals was because I was too worried about my writing.  If you have never taken a writing class, you might not know that most writers go through numerous drafts and reworks before they even think about trying to get their work published. I took this method to my blog writing, and had some of my writerly friends “workshop” my pieces. This would be a great idea if I’m thinking about submitting my work to magazines and writing journals. But my blog is not that formal—nor should it be.  This is a place for friends and family to see what’s going on in my life, for me to keep up my writing skills, and for the occasional potential employer to see my raw skills.

There were actually numerous times I wrote something and sent it to my writer friends (and my mom, duh) and patiently wait for their response. The majority of the time, they said “post it” or “this is great, go for it!” or give me a quick change and a few spelling errors. Like this wonderful nugget:

"Yes, post it BUT you spelt losing wrong in the first sentence. You did loosing. Grammar police. Weee oooo. Weeee ooooo. That's the sound of the grammar police."

But occasionally they would take a long time (I don’t blame them, they have real lives and jobs and other friends). Or they would give me too many changes and want me to rework the whole thing, like these comments:

"I would hold off on posting this until more happens. Right now, this is more something you would tell your friends about in a 5 minute phone call."

And

"Right now it just feels as thought you're jotting down the bullet points."

Admittedly, that “story” was a desperate attempt to reach my one a week goal. My friends are great and I adore them and count on them to help them with my writing, but sometimes it got to the point where I got there comments back and didn’t care enough about my writing to go back and edit and publish it. I had already finished it in my mind and had moved on to another place.

In closing, my writing goal for 2016 will more loose (spelled correctly, I looked it up). I want to write more often, and publish stories and such when they deserve to be published. I want to let the blog be for my raw writing, for my friends and family to see, and for me to continue practicing and improving.

PS: If any occasional potential employer is reading this entry, I promise I will revise and edit my work for you.

A Tribute to my Teachers.

I have been lucky enough to have some really amazing teachers in my life so far.  I think most people get one or two teachers that really make an impact on their life.  But I have been extra lucky in having some strong supportive female role models in my day.

My parents have both always been supportive and encouraging of everything I’ve done or wanted to do, but throughout the years I have had some truly amazing teachers.  In elementary school, Mrs. Baxter and Mrs. Lipton fostered my love of reading and writing and taught me how to edit my own work, starting me on my path towards my writing degree.

In high school, Mrs. Yazbeck called me a smart ass the first week of my sophomore year.  I went home and told my dad and he said “you are a smart ass.” She was one of the first teachers I had that was honest with her students about real, adult life.  She had lived in NYC and worked at a law firm and hated it.  She showed me that it is ok to do different things before you settle down—you don’t have to know what you want your career to be by the time you leave high school, or college, or after.  Mrs. Hartt, or more fondly known as Ruthie, started her career at LS the same year I did, and we spent four years together before we both moved on to college (she went back for a Master’s Degree as I went for my BA).  Ruth helped foster my love of singing.  She encouraged me to audition for select groups and solos, but put me in my place when I started getting cocky.  She also attended the same church as me and encouraged me to sing during services, Christmas Eve, and even helped me prepare for singing the National Anthem at the town’s Fourth of July celebration.  Ruthie encouraged me to have faith in myself, and my talent, and gave me the kind of self-confidence it takes to believe in myself.  Although I don’t sing as much anymore, that confidence has stuck with me ever since, helping me through college, bad relationships, getting fit, and my writing career. 

Although Ruth helped me find that confidence, I need reminders sometimes, and that’s where Leah comes in.  The woman who sparked the idea for this blog, Professor Leah Nielsen from Westfield State University is the teacher that every kid wants.  She is one of those teachers that makes you feel like you can do anything, and at the same time, is actually willing to be your friend.  It’s been almost two years now since I graduated college but Leah and I have a few games of Words With Friends and we still talk on facebook regularly.  Leah is the main reason I restarted my blog this year.

After moving to Virginia, I have not had much luck looking for jobs for an entry level writer.  We moved to a remote, country area at least an hour away from any big cities where the creative job markets are. I have a job at the bank to pay the bills, but most days I get homesick and long for a career that I love.  I wonder if I wasted the past four years getting my degree, and if I’ll ever be able to make a career out of writing.  A few weeks ago, after looking into how to become a freelance writer, these thoughts of failure got the best of me.  I wanted to drive 8 hours back to Massachusetts and find my way to her cluttered cubicle and break down crying on her floor.  I did the facebook equivalent of that and poured my heart out in a message to Leah.

Leah’s response to my meltdown was this:

“Jamie, I do not mean to lecture or nag you....I feel like I am doing that and that is not my intent. You have writing talent. A LOT OF IT! Yes, it helps to have a niche market. But you do NOT have to. You do, however, HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOUR TALENT. And I feel like right now you do not believe in yourself. You have everything you need to build a writing career. EVERYTHING. You don't have to live anywhere specific. You don't have to have a niche. You need to know how to write....AND YOU DO. What kind of stuff did you end up doing for the guy in Westfield? Instead of thinking about all you ARE NOT...try thinking about what you ARE. You are talented. You have great time management skills. You have great editing skills. You should be finding all kinds of freelancing clients. People need ghost writers. People need editors. People need people to write cover letters and resumes for them. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING? Why have you convinced yourself you can't do a damn thing? What is going on with you that that is how you are thinking? (I ask that seriously.....why is it you think you have no skills????) You should be keeping a blog (your old one or a new one) and getting followers and marketing yourself as a writer. You cannot get writing gigs without putting yourself out there as a writer.” 

While reading the message, I was brought to tears.  Partly because I was lucky enough to have someone that believes in me so much, and partly because I had let her down.  I had let myself down.   And yet, she was still there—pushing me to get back on track, to start writing again, submitting again, blogging again, applying again.

So this blog post is dedicated to her, and to all the teachers in my life who pushed me to be a better me, and got me where I am today.  Thank you ladies.  I remember and recognize everything you have done and continue to do for me.  I will never forget the patience and persistence that you put into making me see what all of you saw: a talented individual who could be great—if she just stopped giving up on herself.  Thank you for seeing me for who I can become.  And thank you for continuously reminding me.  This one’s for you.